Thursday, June 29, 2006

ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE


Well, well, well. This update (a real one) is a long time in coming. I am, for the most part, in what my friend Zak would call "a state of gasted flabber" at everything that's happened since my last non-superficial entry. Good and bad things have gone on, and many in-between things, too. I almost balk at having to write about the bad things because (a) I'm weary with talking and thinking about them, much less writing; (b) except for a few insanely expensive car repairs, they're mostly work related ; (c) I'm tired of my job and, besides, they have all kinds of rules, rules, rules about divulging company secrets on one's blog; (d) the place is full of sycophantic little shills who would gladly sell me out to get in the good graces of the right people and (d) anybody - and I mean anybody - could be reading this and plotting. That last bit sounds paranoid, I know, but due to recent happenings on a neighboring blog, I'm inclined to think that it isn't so far fetched. Besides, my blog is linked on myspace and that's a whole different world of voyeurs, stalkers, and dastardly co-workers slobbering like dogs, hungry for something tasty here at Magical Missives.

But you know ...

The missives are protected by a fierce guardian and his host of winsome witches, nefarious confidantes, and blood-thirsty cyber pirates. So fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

I should mention that a number of very positive things have happened to me, as well, since the last time I actually expressed myself on my own blog (which is, afterall, a public forum, so why bitch?).

Yes, I've had some good times along with the bad, and it's often easy to forget the fun stuff in the face of such work-related defamation, degradation, and downright villainy as that which has befallen many of my co-workers and good friends, but amazingly, not me... until some jackass at work reads this. Anyway, there were massive firings for bullshit reasons and that's all I have to say right now. I was depressed for a week and now I hate my job. I'll be taking a position elsewhere and going back to school once this Harry Potter thing is over. There's more to life (and a helluva a lot more to me) than the diddly squat world of retail.

Anyway, I still look forward to the Harry event and I won't let a few Grinches spoil my roast beast. It'll be fun or I'll bloody MAKE it fun. Mark my words.

Speaking of fun: a few weeks ago Charlie the Purdue math major came down to visit us. He showed up at Aunt Sally's weekly Thursday-dinner-and-a-mystery party. He has gone a little gray, but he is still full of sass. It was good to see him again. I made everyone pose for photos with my digital camera (me birthday present - me precioussss!), including a circa 1968 rock band-style POV photo of Joel, Charlie, and Chris (at right). Very much like Cream or The Jimi Hendrix Experience. Aunt Sally had bought a new potting bench, being that she's such an avid gardener, and I got a shot of her posing proudly with her new acquistion.
(see below...)

A fun time was had by all, and Charlie really revved up his bawdy (for a mathematcian) sense of humor for us. Sally got a group photo of all of her boys posed in the back yard near her new potting bench. And Charlie couldn't resist doing something naughty as the camera clicked and flashed. (See below.)


A few nights later, we all met up again at Enormous John Junkill's & Suzi's place for a night of lunacy, pizza eating, wine swilling, and board games. Charlie floored his competitive gas pedal for a game of Operation (the Homer Simpson version) and something called Sorry, which really brought out the killer instinct in this normally mild mannered man of numbers. He used every rotten, stinking, dirty, smelly tactic there is just to reign supreme in the meaningless microcosm of board game competition.

And this man is almost a doctor.

It gives one hope in a way.

Not long after that, Borders was visited by a host of emperial stormtroopers (from Star Wars). They came to us courtesy of Denise (a Star Wars fanatic/co-worker who knows people) for a booksigning by Aaron Allston whose latest release in the Jedi vein is currently on the best seller list. It was really quite something: a group of stormtroopers stomping around the bookstore. The only time I'm inspired to feel a similiar emotion at work is when my boss comes out of her office. Seriously, though, the guys were fun, especially when they put on aprons and started serving customers in the cafe. Shortly afterwards, they were all fired.
















On another bright note: I have made some excellent new friends! I can't begin to tell you, dear readers, how much I love and admire two young women (regular Borders customers) known as Lori and Kelly (sisters) who have won my heart for the following reasons:

-They have closets full of costumes - up to and including suits of armor. And they have all the swords and shields to go with them. Not to mention a huge guillotine in their backyard (oh, their chagrinned neighbors!).

-I understand a gallows is in the works.

-They are in love with all the Monty Python, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Lord of the Rings, A Clockwork Orange, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and Harry Potter schtick.

-They make movies. They have their own production company called Flying Pig Productions and they recently made something called Monty Python's Macbeth (which I intend to review in a later blog entry). It features a horde of nubile young women wearing itchy beards and moustaches (some of which aren't crooked), killing each other with swords and guillotines, and generally giving Macbeth the Monty Python treatment ala femme.

-They are going to make a movie based on Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, and yours truly has managed to land the role of The Player (a part made famous by Richard Dreyfuss, himself). I think my infamy as Gilderoy helped me here.

-They are always game for dressing up as pirates, as witches, in scrubs, or as any odd assortment of unusual characters ... God bless them.

-And they have been HERE:

That's enough reason to love and admire anyone! Lori is going to play Hermione at our Harry Potter party. Kelly might be Gilderoy's assistant (possibly Ginny Weasley). I'm sure there will be many pictures.

Also fun:

I had dinner with Lisa (the quirky cutie from Barnes and Noble who used to drive me to distraction while I drove off the road, or into trees and buildings). Those days are over, but after a long hiatus, we're re-establishing our bond. We ate gobs and gobs of fish and hush puppies at the Rockfish Seafood Grill, then we went for a long walk at Bob Woodruff Park. We took a trail into the woods and it started getting dark. Spiders galore blocked our path, ominous and grotesque in the beam of a flashlight. We had a time, fighting our way through Mirkwood, emerging once again into the park, and then strolling around the lake. Fireworks exploded at some distant locale and we imagined it to be a faraway battle.

That was a fun night. Below is a picture of Lisa and me at the Rio Grande Gorge circa 2002.

And, just a few days ago, a group of us got together to help Zak (confidante Insanius) and Chris (confidante Firechild, not Sally's son) pack up their mountain (nay, their mountain range of belongings), so they could move away to the lovely - and too far off - state of Washington. I really enjoyed myself, because it meant I got to spend much of the day hanging out with Jordan. Amanda was sweet and kept bringing water to Jordan and me, and cautioning us to lift with our legs. She'll make a great mother. If she weren't pregnant she probably would have out-moved and out-worked us all. Zak was highly entertaining, as always, and managed to act like a jolly old nut even as he was sweating and working. We always used to ask Chris, "Is he like that all the time?" And she would smile and answer: "Yes, yes he is. All the time." And would you believe that one of the people who helped us (one of Chris' best friends) has lived right next door to me ever since I have been at my current residence? Her dad is a cool guy who brews beer, and apparently, she has been pals with Firechild for ages. Insert your own small world cliche here.

Before they left, I took a picture of our merry band of movers posed on Chris and Zak's back porch. They always had an amazing back porch. It overlooks a babbling creek and a small forest. I have long imagined it as some Elvish balcony at Rivendell.

So long, amigos.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES

HARRY POTTER'S BIRTHDAY IS AT BORDERS


Come join the staff of Hogwarts as we celebrate Harry's Birthday (and the release of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in paperback). Dress up as your favorite character from the Harry Potter Series and join us for this magical party.

There will be:
Fortune telling with Professor Trelawney
Photo ops with Harry and Hermione
Dance Lessons (or how not to) with Nymphadora Tonks
A Sorting Hat Event with Professor McGonogall
Visits from Mad-eye Moody, Hagrid, and others (maybe even Snape)
A special appearance by renowned author H.J. Ralles (and any other talented writers who would like to show up)
Music by the Weird Sisters
Face Painting
Magical Bingo
Mystical Charades
Trivia
Prizes
Magical Creatures
Dementors
And (back by popular demand, or in spite of it) a class in magical self-defense given by the dashing and redoubtable Gilderoy Lockhart, himself

So be there, or be squ -- a muggle.

Saturday, July 29th
3:00 PM until 10:00 PM
at BORDERS (Books, Music and Cafe)
1601 Preston Road, Suite J
Plano, TX 75093

Please RSVP to Borders at 972-713-9857

WEIRD LYRICS: VOLUME TWO

Okay, it seems my first edition of Weird Lyrics stumped people, or failed to gain their interest. Either way, I'm soldiering on. Remember, it isn't wise to read too much into it, and a good lyricist (like a good storyteller) can play jokes. Ask them to analyze their own work, and they would most likely snicker and refer you to some
kill-joy who writes for Rolling Stone or The Village Voice. As I have said, there are no right answers; just a bit of merry speculation. I'm not so much into analysis; just free form discussion. And I intend to keep doing this, whether or not anyone but Enormous John Junkill (thanks, Lum) takes the bait. Because I enjoy it, and I hope you do, too. And, really, because I want to share interesting artists with all of you; people you may not have heard about.

The latest entry comes to us from Laurie Anderson. A manga cum laude/Phi Beta Kappa graduate of Barnard college with a degree in art history and an MFA in sculpture from Columbia University, she gained fame as a peformance artist with a flair for various forms of electronic media. Her recorded output gained attention with the unlikely hit "O Superman" and has continued to evolve, within and beyond popular tastes, ever since. Her multi-media extravaganzas and one-woman shows have always drawn rave reviews.

Also an inventor, Anderson patented the Tape Bow Violin and the Talking Stick.

As of 2003, she earned the unique honor of becoming NASA's first Artist in Residence. This is a role she seems, humorously, ill-equipped to define.

Her major theme of exploration is the effect of technology on human beings and how they relate.


THE DREAM BEFORE
by Laurie Anderson

Hansel and Gretel
are alive and well
and they're living in Berlin
She is a cocktail waitress
He had a part in a Fassbinder film
And they sit around at night now
drinking schnapps and gin

And she says: Hansel, you're really bringing me down

And he says: Gretel, you can really be ...... a bitch
He says: I've wasted my life on our stupid legend
when my one and only love was

the wicked witch

She said: What is history?

And he said: History is an angel
being blown backwards into the future
He said: History is a pile of debris
and the angel wants to go back and fix things,
to repair the things that have been broken,
but there is a storm blowing from paradise
and the storm keeps blowing the angel backwards into the future.
And this storm, this storm
is called
Progress.


So there it is. Weird Lyrics Volume two. Have at it.

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.
- Laurie Anderson

Thursday, June 01, 2006

BENNY PYTHON & THE HOLY GRAIL

I found it! I found it! I found it!

On myspace!

I found the mystery song that haunted me for twenty years!

The Message is You

It is currently set as my myspace theme music (see the "Ben of Earth" link to the right).

I was right about it not being (you know) "Stairway to Heaven", but it's not without its charm - in an eighties sort of way. And I have to admit, I got tingles when the chorus kicked in.

I've got to dig out my izod britches, my skinny tie, and my shirt with the flourescent vertical stripes!

WEIRD LYRICS - VOLUME ONE

Now begins a new tradition I've been thinking of instituting for quite a while.

It's called Weird Lyrics.

Here's how it works.

At the risk of being forcibly (or in a dopey way) interactive:

Weekly, or thereabouts, I'll tap the archive for the weirdest and most interesting lyrics ever written (not typically gross or puerile or scatalogical - just weird or obscure) and you interpret them. Many of these may actually be topical or quite specific in their subject matter, but just odd in their execution. And some (like this first one) probably do have a meaning (politcal or otherwise). Nevertheless, meaning, as it were, is notoriously subjective. Remember it's all about interpretation - so there are no right answers.


The first installment comes to us from that late, great son of Russian immigrants, Warren Zevon. Legends say he studied under Igor Stravinsky before becoming a popular songsmith, singer, keyboardist, and guitarist. An extensive world traveler, he drew on his many experiences for inspiration. He was most famous for what is often mistaken for a novelty hit, "Werewolves of London", which boasts unusual lyrics about werewolves drinking pina coladas at Trader Vics and eating beef chow mein in Soho. But, in fact, Zevon had a long and interesting musical career, enjoyed a large and loyal fan base, and was deeply respected (and eventually canonized) by fellow musicians and critics alike. The style and content of his lyrics was consistently unique.
Witness the following:


ROLAND THE HEADLESS THOMPSON GUNNER
by Warren Zevon

Roland was a warrior from the Land of the Midnight Sun
With a Thompson gun for hire, fighting to be done
The deal was made in Denmark on a dark and stormy day
So he set out for Biafra to join the bloody fray

Through sixty-six and seven they fought the Congo war
With their fingers on their triggers, knee-deep in gore
For days and nights they battled the Bantu to their knees
They killed to earn their living and to help out the Congolese

Roland the Thompson gunner... talkin' about the man.

Roland the Thompson Gunner.

His comrades fought beside him - Van Owen and the rest
But of all the Thompson gunners, Roland was the best
So the CIA decided they wanted Roland dead
That son-of-a-bitch Van Owen blew off Roland's head

Roland the headless Thompson gunner
Norway's bravest son
Roland the headless Thompson gunner

Time, time, time
For another peaceful war
But time stands still for Roland
'Til he evens up the score

Roland searched the continent for the man who'd done him in
He found him in Mombassa in a barroom drinking gin
Roland aimed his Thompson gun - he didn't say a word
But he blew Van Owen's body from there to Johannesburg

Roland the headless Thompson gunner
You can still see his headless body stalking through the night
In the muzzle flash of Roland's Thompson gun

The eternal Thompson gunner
still wandering through the night
Now it's ten years later but he still keeps up the fight
In Ireland, in Lebanon, in Palestine and ... Berkeley
Patty Hearst
heard the burst
of Roland's Thompson gun
... and bought it


Okay --- now it's your turn. Who is Roland and/or what does he represent? (Personal note: it helps to know your 20th century history, i.e. Patty Hearst.)

Warren Zevon died of cancer in 2003.

Quotes from Warren Zevon:

(Commenting on his terminal illness): "You've gotta remember, it's not morbid to me. I know the hearse is parked at the curb and the motor is running. The thing is, I'm still trying to be cheery about it."

I guess I made sort of a tactical error by not going to the doctor's in twenty years.. Just one of those phobias that didn't pay off.

Enjoy Every Sandwich.