The Temple of Confusion

Before I shake off this mortal coil, I want to find out what life, the world, and this big ol' crazy universe are all about. Prolly a wild goose chase. A Pythonesque quest for the holy grail. But - hey! - I'm getting older, and one begins to wonder about a few things as one's future shrinks and the past looms ever larger.

So I've started reading voraciously again for the first time in ages. Ever since I quit the bookstore, in fact, I've winged through inkslung pages like a printing press on crack.
Well, that's not entirely true. Actually, I found that prolonged disuse had diminished my reading skills to a relative crawl. It's shaping up again, though, thanks to more exercise. (It took me forever to get through that damn Harry Potter book when I read each of the others in a day or less!)

I'm mostly reading about God. Religion. Spirituality. Beliefs. Basically, there's a long history of crazy people killing each other amid all kinds of questionable reforms. Meanwhile, all the major monotheistic religions were converging on the West. Every so often, though, some bright person would come along and change things a bit for the better, usually elaborating on something some other shiny star from the past said or did, and that people seemed to have forgotten.

I'm very interested in old Persian beliefs before the coming of Islam. Zora .. um, hold on. I've got to go look up how to spell it ... brb.

Zoroastrianism. There you go.

I know a Zoroastrian. A friend of my mother's. And, last Thursday night, Joel the Old Hippie spoke at some length about - here we go again - Zoroastrianism over dinner. Sounds fascinating.

I'm willing to look into it. And into Paganism, Druidry, and whatever's out there.

Anyways, considering all that I've heard and read (and had forced on me from all sides) about God and religion, and all the people I've known (and know) with their various & sundry beliefs (including many an atheist), I must say ... I'm thoroughly confused. I don't think I could ever shack up with any one group and say, "Yeah, I'm with you guys, entirely."

So my approach to the mysteries of the universe (as it were) is something of a confused solo effort. Don't get me wrong, it'd be fun to revel with other Confusionists (heh, heh), if only we had a temple of our own.

Hey ...

The Temple of Confusion! Yeah, that's the ticket! I'm gonna copyright that! So hands off! I'm serious about this. If some rock band comes out next year calling themselves Temple of Confusion, I'm gonna hunt them down and kick their asses!

Suggested Reading: A History of God by Karen Armstrong. Excellent reading and - damn! - this woman knows just about all there is to know about religion! It's impossible to digest everything in the book, but you come away with all manner of knowledge and new incites. Also: The Spiral Staircase by Karen Armstrong. This is an especially good book for women.

Twas the Night Before Potter ...

For only one night, out of thousands, will cashiers at your local bookstore look like this.

Only for that solitary evening will you find Dolores Umbridge holding court in the cafe. Detention, anyone?

Only then will Alastor "Mad Eye" Moody stalk the endless rows of bookshelves dispensing his sage advice: "Constant vigilance!"

On that very night, Severus Snape will lurk among books about pregnancy & childbirth (hoping, perhaps, to learn something they don't teach at a potions seminar).

When else would you see Professors Dumbledore and McGonogall dragging about, with them, the famous Sorting Hat? (Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw? Animal House?)

Or discover Hogwarts' most elegantly coiffed professor signing everything his fans shove at him, while Bellatrix Lestrange remains most unimpressed?

Or witness Harry Potter and Ron Weasley pausing for a picture at Platform 9 & 3/4? (Young Weasley, it should be noted, is a git, and his sad excuse for a magic wand should be locked away forever!)

Or find Madame Rosmerta serving butterbeers and pumpkin pasties to the many guests of The Leaky Cauldron?

As local hoodlums display their true feelings about a certain potions master.

While strange women wear buzzards on their heads.

And harlequins prance about while children are forced into slavery & to wear hideous masks!

And Harry Potter's virility is questioned!

And ... of course, only tonight, will there be yet (and even) more gratutious wearing of buzzard hats by strange women.

I hope everyone had fun ...

Ever Yours,

Gilderoy Lockhart